


A Happy...

by EthelPhantom



Series: The Constagami Series [3]
Category: Constantine (TV), DCU, Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, I sure don't - Freeform, MariBat, Maybe tragedy but also not?, Songfic, or is it really, who knows - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 07:28:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26968255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EthelPhantom/pseuds/EthelPhantom
Summary: Kagami loves John. John loves Kagami. Kagami would do nearly anything for John.It couldn't possibly end badly, now could it?
Relationships: John Constantine/Kagami Tsurugi
Series: The Constagami Series [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1967962
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	A Happy...

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo.... I'm back at my Constagami bullshit?
> 
> Hope you'll enjoy it!

**If I fall to Hell, then I can save my soul from doom**

John wasn’ t… He wasn’t sure which was likelier to come for him, but he was certainly expecting to find himself in Hell rather than Heaven. He knew he was. He always had. 

It was simply something that was and always had been clear to him would happen, but it wasn’t like it really mattered right now. 

Would it  _ ever  _ matter? 

Perhaps not. 

It wasn’t like there was any reason for it to matter or for him to care. 

Especially not after this.

**If I fly to Heaven, I can see you very soon**

_ Kagami,  _ on the other hand, he was pretty bloody sure would see Heaven’s gates instead of falling to Hell. She was amazing, and she had not committed sins such as he had, had not lost her soul, so it was the only thing he could believe likely. 

So… If, by some lucky chance he did not deserve, he found Heaven instead, he would see her there again, wouldn’t he? The thought was comforting, wishful, but he wasn’t sure he should be allowed to hope. 

After all, would it not be worse to find out any wishes he had made, any hopes he had created in his head, were nothing but false hopes and wishful thinking?

Such would hurt more than simply losing her.

**Lovingly, lovingly**

It was still safe to hope. He couldn’t help it. He wasn’t in danger and he could see her face still above him, even if it was more difficult every passing moment.

**Choking through ‘cause I love you and you love me**

He watched as Kagami’s face got blurrier and blurred by the second, the lack of oxygen in his lungs darkening his sight and obscuring the world around him until all but the face he loved were unrecognisable. 

It wasn’t like any of those things mattered — wasn’t like they had ever meant a thing to him. 

Not after he had met her, at the very least. 

Certainly, death was a terrifying thing, it was  _ terrifying  _ for he knew where he would end up, knew what was waiting for him, but he had Kagami there with him for now. He needed not to worry too much about what was next to come.

**I’ll choke, and choke**

Kagami blinked tears away from her eyes, trying her best to keep herself grounded as it was not the time for panic. It was  _ not  _ the time for sorrow. He had  _ asked  _ for this, had asked for  _ her  _ to do it. 

She just. She would have wished for another way, would have preferred a different method, that was all. A way that would have hurt him less because she could have found a better way.

He had refused.

**Even more, until I’m sure**

Regardless of her own feelings though, she still kept on going, kept on doing it as his eyes made it clear it was what he wanted, it was what he had asked for, and she was not doing something her dear person had not requested.

And there was not even a moment’s hesitation in his eyes as she searched for any sign that would have allowed her to stop in them. 

She failed to find anything.

**With your voice, barely new, I confess how much I love you**

She needed to tell him, not certain she had told him enough many times. He needed to know. He  _ deserved  _ to know. 

**Running out of air you stare**

His eyes were turning glassy. 

Unblinking. 

The lines drawn around his eyes signalled of his exhaustion, of how tired he had been. How tired he was. 

It hurt Kagami to be able to see in how much agony he must have been for so long, and that now the only way he thought he could be saved and the only way she could help was… this. So final. 

If they went through with it, there would be  _ no turning back,  _ no matter what they wanted or tried. It wasn’t something you could rewind.  _ Time  _ wasn’t something you could rewind.    


And despite the way his eyes were slowly becoming unseeing, and how the light in them was dimming and dying away — or had it ever been there? —, John kept his eyes on Kagami, kept them looking deep into the depths of her eyes and soul. In a way, it was terrifying. She needed it regardless.

**“See you again.”**

It was the wish. 

It was what they wanted and needed. 

It wasn’t what they truly expected to get. 

**“This is the end.”**

It  _ was  _ the end. They both knew it. They both knew it far too well.

They had both known since the moment he had asked for it. 

It had not come as a surprise to either, in the end.

**Thanking me with a sigh**

John thanked Kagami, his voice barely audible as the lack of air and the too little oxygen in his lungs made it difficult for him to speak. 

Kagami wept silent tears.

**_Then you died._ **

* * *

**If I fall to Hell, then I can save my soul from doom**

Perhaps he could find a way to manipulate and bargain his way out of doom and life in Hell. He  _ had  _ always been good at such things, and it wasn’t like it was necessarily his first time dying and visiting Hell. 

Maybe this time he could convince them to let him go to Heaven once they were done with him. 

**If I fly to Heaven, I can see you very soon**

And once he got to heaven —  _ if  _ he ever got there —, he could see Kagami again. 

She would get there even if he didn’t. 

After all, she was wonderful and amazing, and she had not committed a crime that made her deserving of Hell. No, she was deserving of Heaven, and John wasn’t sure she’d ever met anyone who was more deserving of it than she was. With all her flaws, there was no way she belonged in Hell. 

Surely, Kagami would see Heaven’s gates one day. 

**Horribly, horribly,**

It was too late to hope. He knew it too well. There was no escape from where he was anytime soon, and especially so if she wasn’t there with him. 

**Punish me in Hell for all the sin I breed**

But. 

He, even if not Kagami,  _ did  _ deserve the pain and the punishment. The retribution. 

What had he  _ not  _ done to deserve it? Astra and her soul — an innocent soul — was doomed to Hell because of him. Kagami had been forced to do something he knew she didn’t want because of him. So many people who should’ve gotten to live longer had died because of him. 

It was clear. He deserved to be punished for all the sin he had bred in his time upon the Earth, during his lifetime. He  _ deserved  _ it. 

…

..

.

Perhaps he could convince them to punish him for anything and everything they would have made Kagami suffer through otherwise. That way, he could keep her safe even from beyond death. 

**You will fly to Heaven where the world is pure and new**

And so, so she would get to see Heaven, a new world where things did not hurt and would not hurt, a world where things were pure and lovely. A world where she could live without pain and without things that had once hurt her so much.

**If I get to Heaven, then can I be there with you?**

Then, one day, if he managed to convince Hell to let him go and to let him go to Heaven, could he find her again? Could he find her again and spend the rest of their  ~~ lives ~~ deaths together without the pain and agony they had seen and gone through during their lifetimes?

**Can I be? Can I be?**

It was what he wished for the most, there was no doubt of that. 

**All I want is for my soul to rest in peace.**

That was why he had been afraid of death for so bloody long — and it was why he still  _ was  _ afraid of death. He wasn’t sure his soul would ever get to rest, or that he even had one in the first place. 

It didn’t change the fact it was still what he wanted. 

He didn’t want to spend the rest of eternity in torture. 

~~ No one ever did. ~~

**Don’t you know? Don’t you know?**

It had been difficult to convince her. 

Was it too surprising? 

Not really — Kagami  _ was  _ someone who did not want and would not steal lives from people without a wonderful reason, and, in the end, they both knew she did not consider ‘wanting to die’ a wonderful reason. She never had, and he knew it. 

She never would.

**This is the way I wanna go**

That was why it took time to make her understand this truly  _ was  _ how he wanted to die. It was how he wanted his life on Earth to end, and it was, in ways, the safest way for him to do so. He didn’t die at the hands of a demon —  _ wouldn’t  _ die at the hands of one. He would die in Kagami’s — the one who loved him for some strange reason which he still did not know — hands, and he knew she would try to make it as easy for him as possible even if he had not asked for such. 

Because that was what she was like. 

If she didn’t have a great reason to hurt someone, she wouldn’t do it. 

Especially not when the person getting hurt was someone she cared about. 

**Without a pause, I said to you**

And truly, she deserved to hear what he thought of her as well, just like she had told him — reminded him, really — that she loved him.    


It was the last thing she would ever hear from him, after all, and it was the last thing  _ she  _ had told  _ him.  _ It was only fair that she got to know, too. She was worth it. She was worth being vulnerable, she was worth loving, she was worth the world. 

It was the world that John wasn’t always quite so sure was worth Kagami.

**Happily, how I love you too**

So. Even if it was difficult to get the words out of his mouth — he was choking, and there was barely any air in his lungs left to give voice to those words and thoughts, and saying he loved someone wasn’t easy in the first place —, he did. John told Kagami he loved her, and that was what mattered.

That was all that mattered, now. 

All that would ever matter anymore.

**Inside the joy and pain, you say**

He was happy.

In a way, anyway.

It was alright, though. She would be alright.  _ He  _ would be dead. And really, things weren’t quite so bad even if Kagami seemed to disagree. She seemed to think it was one of the worst things in the world, and he did feel bad for making her do it, but…

It wasn’t like he was going to ask her to stop. 

~~ It wasn’t like he could. ~~

They were almost done.

He was almost gone. 

Almost dead.

**“Is this okay?”**

Of course it was. They had talked about it, talked it through.

**“Is this the way?”**

He  _ had  _ asked her for this, hadn’t he? He hadn’t left things unclear, he was bloody sure of that.

**As you tried in a sigh**

Or was it a sob? John wasn’t sure. He could barely hear properly. It was like the wind was blowing and shuffling in his ears, so he might have misheard it. 

**And then I died**

But it was too late to think about it as John’s eyes lost the dim glint of life they had still had left for the last decade of his life. 

He was gone. She had gone through with her promise. She had done what he had asked for. 

He was free from the Earth and its weight and shackles.

**If I fall to Hell, then I can save my soul from doom**

As he had expected since the very beginning, he found himself facing the realm of Hell once more as he opened his eyes again. It was fine, though. He would make sure to save his soul…

— except someone had saved it already and he had no idea what had happened. 

_ How  _ had happened.

**If I fly to Heaven, I can see you very soon.**

And perhaps he could, after all, truly get to Heaven as he had been hoping for even as he did not like god nor the angels. They were idiots and suckers, all of them, and there was no reason for him to like them. 

At that very moment, a bright,  _ holy  _ light appeared behind him, and John turned around to see which fucker had come to get him this time.

**Oh, horribly, horribly**

The angel in front of him had a sad,  _ pained  _ expression on her face as she watched him, and John had a feeling he had met the angel before at some point. Her hands were crimson-stained, her white robes torn at the sleeves and the hem of her dress, her brilliant, illuminated wings were folded behind her (and he wondered how tall she could —  _ if  _ she could — look when she was hovering in the air because she was  _ short  _ now), not taking much space despite how big they looked like, and her hair kept flickering between pure white and the deepest black — the deepest black being somehow… familiar.  _ Comfortable. _

He must have been imagining things. 

The angel walked closer to him and John took steps back, away from her reflexively — angels coming near had never meant anything good, after all — but he hit a wall far too soon and she cornered him. 

(She was a threatening being despite her size and if John hadn’t been so concerned for his safety, he would have probably laughed.)

Yet… It didn’t seem like she wanted to do anything to him. Anything painful, at the very least. 

“My dear, you are in the wrong place,” she whispered and offered her hand to him. Waiting.  _ Expecting.  _ It was odd.

**Punish me in Hell for all the sin I breed**

A demon screeched and moved towards them at the pace of the wind as they were noticed, but the angel scowled and was suddenly between the two of them, her sharp sword drawn and ready to strike. 

_ At the demon,  _ not him. John was pretty bloody sure that was an important point to all of this even if it was also strange as fuck. He wasn’t used to angels defending him so this was a rare occurrence. 

No, actually, most of the time they watched as he suffered. They didn’t do anything to worsen his pain, but they also never did a thing to help him or lessen it. In fact, most often it seemed like they enjoyed his pain. 

_ This one,  _ though…

This one had drawn her sword and placed herself between him and  _ a demon  _ like it was the most obvious thing in the world, like it was expected of her — and maybe she did expect it of herself —, as though nothing else and no less was acceptable. 

For some reason, John felt like she truly, genuinely thought nothing less was acceptable.

**You will fly to Heaven where the world is pure and new**

“Your sentence has been served and your crimes compensated and atoned for,” the angel told him monotonously, and if it hadn’t been for the smallest scar he could see peeking from under her collar (and it seemed to lead to more and worse injuries), he would have thought some other human had suffered them for him — which, poor them, almost no one deserved to go through what he certainly should have. 

Instead, it seemed like this angel had taken it upon herself to go through what  _ he  _ was supposed to. 

He wasn’t sure whether to apologise or to thank her. 

Maybe both. 

“My dear, come with me,” she said again, her hand still offered to him, but he hesitated. Could he trust her?

He had never before in his life been able to trust an angel.

“Your soul has been redeemed. I have made a bargain with them to let go of the girl’s soul, too.”

For some reason, he felt like he could trust her.

“She may come with us.”

The girl?

_ Astra.  _

“Should you accept my offer, both you and she shall be permitted to see freedom and peace once more, permitted to see the gates of Heaven.”

_ He wanted to trust her. _

And so, he took her hand in his, and she smiled and lifted his hand to her lips. As they brushed his skin as a kiss to his knuckles, a realisation he should have understood from the very moment he saw her hit him like a freight train. 

“Kagami?”

She nodded, smiling. A gleaming, silvery tear rolled down her cheek, drawing a line upon her skin. He wanted to wipe it away and off. Her beautiful face did not deserve to be stained with tears. 

Then she pulled out a ball of pure white light surrounded by a light blue halo — it reminded him of Astra — and another with darker light which was surrounded by flaming red… as though it was fire. 

Was it his? 

Maybe it was his.

Or then it wasn’t. 

Kagami pushed the one with the red halo through his chest, and he felt… alive. More so than he had in months, years, perhaps decades. 

_ She had returned his soul to him.  _

“Now, shall we go, my dear? I have got her with me, too.”

He nodded, finally, calmer than in a long, long time, and he was ready to follow her anywhere. She had saved him. She had saved Astra. 

She was far too good for him. 

...Then again, she  _ was  _ an angel, who was surprised? 

**If they pardon all my sins can I be there with you?**

As they arrived at the gates of Heaven, Kagami let go of the second soul and allowed it to take the form of a young girl whom he had last seen terrified, trying her best to hold onto him  _ because she had trusted him to save her, to take care of her.  _

Now she was here, safe, in Heaven. 

Not doomed to a life in hell. A life of torture and loneliness and pain. 

She noticed John and ran to him, hugging him tightly. “You saved me! Just like you promised!” 

It brought tears to his eyes and he tried to deny it — it had been the wonderful woman that had taken his life and then turned out to be an angel of seemingly a high rank —, but Kagami shook her head fondly in the background and smiled at him. 

_ I saved her for you. I saved her  _ **_because_ ** _ of you. You are as good as her saviour.  _ It was what her eyes were saying.

John gave her a soft smile and wrapped his arms around the small girl hugging him. “I did promise you I would,” he told her all the while looking at Kagami with a gaze he hoped conveyed  _ Thank you.  _ “I would never lie to you, after all.” 

Finally, Astra let go of him, wanting to familiarise herself with her new surroundings. John, on the other hand, walked to Kagami and, after hesitating for a moment, took her face into his hands and pressed a gentle kiss on her forehead. “If they have pardoned all my sins, can I be here with you?” he asked, and Kagami chuckled, shaking her head fondly. 

“I would be offended if you were not,” she told him, leaning into his touch. 

**Come with me, come with me**

Kagami took John’s hand and pulled him towards the gates of Heaven, looking after Astra as she ran around before noticing John moving away — and she wanted to follow, obviously. Kagami was glad to see her do it. 

In all honesty, it was adorable, really, and despite the fact she barely knew what a true family should be like, it reminded her of a family anyway. Astra was like the child she would never get, could never get considering she was an angel and John… Well. Both of them were well aware she loved him. And perhaps he, too, genuinely loved her. 

Things were going to be alright. 

Heavens were a beautiful place to live, they were safe… and they would not face death again in their lifetimes. 

They would not  _ need  _ to die again. 

**You deserve a Happy Death**

They were allowed to be happy, finally.

**Oh, rest in peace**

Two gravestones rested next to each other, hidden in the garden of a vast, wealthy mansion that no longer belonged to anyone as its owner had died. They were surrounded by flowers that had grown there even as no one knew how — there were no flowers nearby and all of the flowers had grown there. They hadn’t been brought there. 

_ John Constantine  _ _ Kagami Tsurugi _

Perfectly untouched, both always watched over by two angels — a girl with long, black, coily hair, and a young woman with short, black and straight hair. They ensured no one would disturb and disrupt the peace and the very last resting place of the man both of them cared about, the man both of them consider their family even as said man’s spirit never left their side. 

Even now, he was there with them, smiling at them, as the young woman chuckled at her daughter’s silliness and pranks. 

And they have truly become a family. 

_ “Let us go home, my Beloved, my daughter.” _

…

…

… 

…

**You deserve a Happy Death**

Kagami cried sorrowful tears, burying her face in John’s chest where she could never again hear his heartbeat as she ceased letting her imagination run wild, ceased allowing her hopes grow and grow. 

She was no angel, and there was no way for her to save him. 

Tears burnt on her cheeks as her sobs shook her entire body and the salty drops flowing down from her eyes created rather wet spots on his shirt. 

Goodness, she missed him already.

_ She wished he was happy.  _

_ Wished he did not regret this.  _

Because no matter what she herself wanted, he deserved a happy death. Not one forced upon him by supernatural beings. Thus, it was her duty to let him obtain what he wanted and wished for the most. 

Perhaps the illusions she had allowed him to see in his dying moments would allow him to relax. Perhaps he would always only remember the her that came bearing wings and pure white robes, perhaps he wouldn’t have to know it was far from the truth and far from what she had let him think. 

Because she wasn’t an angel, she wasn’t an angel and she could not make things better, she could not save him or Astra. There was just no way, not without a grave sacrifice, and even then she wasn’t certain it would be enough.

Finally, Kagami stood up with a heavy sigh and blinked the blurriness out of her eyes, wishing she could just be allowed to die herself.

**Oh, rest in peace**

…

The tombstones… 

They fell into decay. 

The stone crumbled and fractured over time, and the time and weather did not truly let them be either — it seemed like the entire world had something against them. It seemed nothing would let them simply rest in peace. 

It seemed such wasn’t allowed, not for the two of them. 

And one of them, one of the tombstones never had the one who belonged into it six feet deep. One of them had never seen the day where she’d been buried properly, never seen the day where dirt covered her despite her deserving it. 

No. That one lay upon the ground, chest once having bled until her heart no longer beat. A bloodied dagger was still in her hand as the corpse of the woman had once curled in on herself. 

It was a sacrifice because nothing but a grave sacrifice could possibly save the one she loved.

_ Please, my dear, now rest in peace. You deserve it more than anyone, and most definitely more than I could ever.  _

_ Thus, I shall sacrifice my happy ending and my soul to let you rest.  _

_ I shall take your punishment upon myself to allow you to rest. _

_ And there is nothing upon this Earth that could possibly make me regret it. _

**Author's Note:**

> (PersephonesCat yelled at me for making two endings while planning this, thus you'll get two versions too. In that order.)
> 
> So anyway I now have a game of sorts with PLPanda. Each Constagami angst fic I write, he'll write DamiGami fluff, and it's fun.   
> ...I wonder if it can work the other way around too... 
> 
> (Aka seriously, someone, give me fluff prompts that fit these dumbasses, I should be writing cute Constagami too.)
> 
> Anyway! You can also find me on my [tumblr](https://ethelphantom.tumblr.com/) if you want to scream at me about DC, Maribat or Code Geass! Actually, please come scream at me about Constagami, too.
> 
> I can be found on my art instagram [here](https://www.instagram.com/daicrimeth/?hl=en) as well, so yelling at me there is also ok


End file.
